New Year's Day

I had a plan for January.  I was going to make some paper sculpture, catch up on a backlog of postcards to post, hand address all my New Year's cards.  I thought I was losing my job so I was preparing to print more, scramble more for rent money, and so I took all the extra shifts I could.  Then they asked me to take over at the restaurant.  Instead of closing, the owner decided to stay open but the manager already had a better job offer.  I wrote a long, thought out list about why I wasn't interested in the job.  The best reason was that I like my life, I like working 4 days a week at a decent and likable job and spending my off days making the things I love and wandering the hills of Oakland.  A few days went by and there was no one ready to take the job full time.  I like having a little control in my life, however fleeting and farcical it might be.  I didn't want to find a new job again, I didn't want my co-workers to find a new job, and mostly I wanted things to stay as calm and smooth as possible until they found someone committed who can make the changes needed.  I like where I work, I like my co-workers and it seems things could work.  So I offered to be a temporary manager.  This is how I got a full time job.  It is only for two months, which is 2 weeks longer than Andy suggested, and I have to come home and be nice to him but I think I can do it.  This past week has been a whirlwind of training and I am realizing I have skills I didn't know I had.  So here we go.  Work a bunch, pay off the lingering debt, and see where 2014 falls.

This does mean that I will be on hiatus from taking a lot of new print work.  There are a few people I have talked with casually, or to whom I already owe something (Jeremy---it's coming!) and I will still be sending your postcards.  But I might not take on much else till March.  But in March, boyhowdee watch out.  I feel big things are coming in 2014.  I've napped the past 2 days, and am almost ready for it.  Here we go.

We talked about just walking away

I started it. This was after the first rain when it seemed like the sky would clear up. I said I was going to just walk out the door. I suggested that she come too; we both had bikes. We could ride to the market, get a jasmine vine. Bring it home and put it in the yard under my bedroom window. There is a patch of grass at the end of the gravel lot which would be my parking space but I do not have a car. Andy wants to put a table there and chairs. So we can sit in the shade. Let's do it today! All this I said out loud, the whole plan laid out.
The sky turned grey purple, angry, let loose again. The rain smashed the new construction across the street. The more we talked about it, the more real it became. The lightness of walking away. How our co-workers would be angry, sprout wings of frustration. Or jealousy. Some one asked: what will we do with our money, what we owe the restaurant? I planned on taking something, ten dollars, some of the tip money I had earned and leaving the rest. No explanation or scene. No stealing. Letting go.
Of course, I am one shift away from having the summer off. I already have loans and scholarships and savings to budget out for the next few months. I should be working more but there has been so little time for resting. Or going to the post office. Or cooking dinner.
I didn't walk out. We finished our shifts, counted the money we owed and the money we earned and rode home under a very bright sky.