Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Nine Years Later

from 2012

Every summer, around the end of July, I feel like I loose control of my emotions for a while. I am inconsolably sad, I cry inexplicably.  Something feels off. Last year I talked to my friend Bear about this and Bear reminded me that next time, I should remember to take extra care of myself.  It is my birthday time, which I get outwardly excited about while being inwardly anxious (thinking about life choices and all).  Then, a few weeks later is the anniversary of one of the most disruptive events in my life.  Tomorrow is the ninth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina and it is still the storm I am referring to when I say "the hurricane".  I lost friends in a few ways because of it, and I also experienced some of the greatest love and strength and resourcefulness I have known, in the years following.  This year I was ready.  But then, I was in North Carolina, making paper and swimming in a river. The sadness didn't come the way it has.  Other friends have told me about nine year cycles, about recovering from PTSD, about healing.  Maybe this is the year I can see some of this with clarity.  But not from the internet.  So tomorrow, I am taking the day off.  Since losing my job, I have had more time for book binding and preparing for the SF Zine Fest  (Saturday! Sunday! in San Francisco)
and more time for listening to the news, and searching for a new job but also a lot of time on the internet procrastinating. I'm going outside to take advantage of the temeprate and dry California (drought) summer.  Take care y'a'll.  And I'll see you soon.