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| from 2012 |
Every summer, around the end of July, I feel like I loose control of my emotions for a while. I am inconsolably sad, I cry inexplicably. Something feels off. Last year I talked to my friend Bear about this and Bear reminded me that next time, I should remember to take extra care of myself. It is my birthday time, which I get outwardly excited about while being inwardly anxious (thinking about life choices and all). Then, a few weeks later is the anniversary of one of the most disruptive events in my life. Tomorrow is the ninth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina and it is still the storm I am referring to when I say "the hurricane". I lost friends in a few ways because of it, and I also experienced some of the greatest love and strength and resourcefulness I have known, in the years following. This year I was ready. But then, I was in North Carolina, making paper and swimming in a river. The sadness didn't come the way it has. Other friends have told me about nine year cycles, about recovering from PTSD, about healing. Maybe this is the year I can see some of this with clarity. But not from the internet. So tomorrow, I am taking the day off. Since losing my job, I have had more time for book binding and preparing for the SF Zine Fest (Saturday! Sunday! in San Francisco)
and more time for listening to the news, and searching for a new job but also a lot of time on the internet procrastinating. I'm going outside to take advantage of the temeprate and dry California (drought) summer. Take care y'a'll. And I'll see you soon.
